Defining Diligence

A fantastic friend bought me a copy of The Richest Man Who Ever Lived: King Solomon Secrets to Success, Wealth and Happiness by Steven K. Scott. Scott, evidently, had a knack for failure – or, at the very least, set backs. He was advised by a friend to read a chapter of Proverbs every day and when he got to the end, do it again. The idea was learning from Solomon would be a sure fire way to get – and keep – one’s life on track.

The first area covered by Scott is diligence – what it is, why it is important and how to know if you have got it. You know me, I had to look the word up.

diligence – persevering application, assiduity

Assiduity? What an interesting word, I thought. What does that mean?

Assiduity – the quality or state of being assiduous (marked by careful unremitting attention or persistent application)

After I read the definition of the words, I felt I had a pretty good jump-start on this diligence thing. Then I got to his checklist at the end of the chapter. Some of the items were

• Have a clear and precise vision for what you want to achieve
• Creatively persist through disappointments and failures
• Work expeditiously (with target dates)
• Work effectively (achieving effective results)
• Attain true excellence

Ummm, alrighty, maybe not a bad idea to keep reading and learning. A bit further off than I originally thought. But that’s okay, it’s all a journey of one step at a time.

Shining with Nelson

While writing today’s Turn Around Tuesday, I came across an amazing quote from activist, Noble Prize Winner, Statesman, former South African President and Madiba, Nelson Mandela. 

 

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us.

Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine as children do. It’s not just in some of us; it is in everyone.

And as we let our own lights shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.

For those who are familiar with Turn Around Tuesday, you will be surprised to find that this was my response.

I am not being lazy, I swear. I didn’t have any big Memorial Day plans yesterday that have left me struggling today. Honestly, I am ready to write a full TAT. But, after a quote like that, what else is there really left to say?

Today I encourage you to read that quote again and decide where you fit in. Are you a shiner or a shrinker? At first pass, I think I am a shiner with overwhelming shrinker tendencies. Or, it may be that I am a shrinker with rare moments of shiner greatness. One thing I know for sure – my inner Warrior is dying to be a shiner.

This was followed by an invite to come here and dig into the idea a little further.

So let’s discuss – shiner or shrinker?

Pwning the Happy

Not sure how new that creative version of “owning” is or when it became main stream to convey the utter domination of one thing over another, but it seemed to correctly convey the mindset I need to get into to move through Marci’s course. For the optimist that I am, I am sure having a hard time wrapping my mind around this Happy For No Reason business.

I haven’t spent time on it for a few weeks. My excuse is that I haven’t had the time. While things have been amazingly busy – it is still just an excuse. I am becoming completely aware of the fact that I don’t have time not to.

It is time to lay the foundation to pwning the happy. That foundation, according to Marci, is embodied in a simple equation

E(motion) + R(eaction) = O(utcome)

I don’t mind telling you that I spend a whole lot of time using this alternate and far less effective formula

E + O = R

And this sure fire motivation zapping formula

O + R = E

The workbook asks to recall a situation where you implemented a less that effective attitude. It then asks to describe the level of contraction that accompanied it. The unasked question is how does it feel when things are going well and you feel expanded.

I am spending some time considering these ideas of expansion and contraction. I would love to hear your thoughts on it.

Start with the First Step

Moving through the introduction of the Happy For No Reason course, I have finally put my finger on the thing that drives me nuts about the course. Now that we have gotten past the introduction, we now start moving through the steps. I am an attack and conquer person – I hate the steps.

Now, understand that I already recognize that this is not a flaw in Marci’s work. It is a flaw in my discipline. It is a result of my microwave popcorn generation. The steps are necessary. The success is in the work through – not the skip around.

So, I am attempting to move through the steps instead of skipping around to the parts I think I need the most right now. And Marci certainly has it set up in steps that makes sense.

The steps to increasing your happiness set point is equated to the building of a house. The first step, therefore, is the establishment of the foundation. This step has always had point that resonated with me. During this session, Marci talks about changing habits. Within this session, there is a discussion about our choices and the idea of the quarter second gap. The idea is that there is a gap of time in between an urge and an action. It is the point of time of choice. It is where the power to live a happier life resides waiting to be tapped into.

So, here is my quarter second gap decision. I will fight the urge to skip around and glean from the corners. I will not give into my hyper reaction that says I can move faster through the material and still get the same results. That is my solid foundation. That is my first step.

Happy for No Reason

Almost a year ago, I had the opportunity to attend the eWomenNetwork conference in Dallas. It was a phenomenal event that sent me soaring into the clouds. I was able to hold on to that for a bit. As you can imagine, the high eventually deflated a bit and “normal” returned. Opened a new business and got new furniture. Things are up again. Then they level out. Got a big contract and was elated. I am again leveling back out.

Don’t get me wrong. I am very appreciative of my journey. And I understand that we don’t live our entire lives in the clouds. I am betting we wouldn’t want to even if we could. I also enjoy the levelness. What I don’t like is the height of the levelness. I think that the steady path where we spend most of our lives can be more enjoyable. I think the sound of the word “normal” should provoke a little more happiness.

While in Dallas, I picked up the Happy for No Reason course from Marci Shimoff. I had the opportunity to hear her speak and it really resonated with me. Of course, when I got home, things were so over whelming and disjointed. I attempted to apply the course to my schedule. I didn’t.

Earlier this week, I remembered something Marci had talked about - the “happiness set point.” The general concept is that our happiness is sorta like our body temperature – it has a “normal.” Some folks have a higher or lower “normal” and the temperature can always be changed by external circumstances.

The interesting thing is that a study found that the set point was only 50% genetic. What I am now interested in is the other 50%.

Not sure how much of this I will blog about in the upcoming weeks as I am not sure how personal it gets. But, I will keep you posted on what I can and would love to hear your feedback on the topic.

Open Your Sails

“A ship in port is safe; but that is not what ships are built for. Sail out to sea and do new things.”
- Rear Admiral Grace Hopper (1906-1992)

As a Naval electronic tech, I I heard a lot about Admiral Hopper. She was a pioneer in computer technology development. More interesting to me is the era in which she lived and accomplished so much as a woman. I can only assume obstacles where far more numerous. The women of the early 21st century would do well to remember the tenacity displayed by the women of the early 20th century. In fact we would all do well to reflect on the champions of our past.

Often we find those who have gone before us that inspire us to greater things. We concentrate heavily on the accomplishments and thrill at the journey they took throughout their life. We honor the challenges they overcame and admire their ability to move forward regardless of obstacles.
However, few of us translate these experiences into an example of what we can do for ourselves. For some reason, there is a gap between what we believe what others can achieve and we can accomplish ourselves. It is as if we assume those who have gone before us have some unknown superpower or possess a secret that they didn’t share. They could do all those things, but we can’t.

Today I encourage you to remember that no ship worth is building is meant to stay in port. And no life worth living is compelled by fear and apprehension. Your inner warrior appreciates the accomplishments of those who have gone before you. That warrior is anxious to be among the ranks of those who have sailed fearlessly. Pull up the anchor and be that person who inspires. The potential is in you.

Tis the Season

I will go ahead and admit that I am not crazy about all the hubbub that surrounds Christmas. The stress and loss of focus moves away from my idea of the purpose of the season. However, it never fails to warm my heart to watch those who do embody what this time of year is all about.

Next week, I am going to try to fill this column with contacts. If you have a resource, charity, toy drive…whatever…. drop me a line and let me know.

I look forward to working with you to make the holiday a little brighter for someone else.

Save the Thinker, Save the World

“Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you, too, can become great.”

- Mark Twain

Think about the last time you attended a conference, workshop, retreat, sermon – anything that challenged you to think in a big way and effect a positive change in your life. At the time, you felt profoundly altered. You might have made checklists, voice notes, game plans – whatever. You were just ready to make life better for yourself and those around you.

If you are like most of us, you probably didn’t even get to lunch on the first day before some small thinker starting poking holes and planting doubt. Next thing you know, you’ve convinced yourself that you were crazy to even think that big, the whole plan was ridiculous, you were never enough to begin with and you crawl back in your box. The small thinker feels very accomplished and the world loses out on the wonderful impact you had planned.

How frustrating! Why do people do that? More importantly, why do we let them? We have let a person we wouldn’t trust to organize a book shelf dictate what we are and aren’t capable of. Seriously?

The amazing thing is that, while this sabotage is occurring, you probably had multiple folks who are way cooler than that other flake encouraging you. They know that you are capable of all that and more. They look for ways to help and support. Most importantly, they believe in you and they tell you so.

Today I want to encourage you get back out of your box and dare the small thinker to poke holes. Commit before you come out that you will not allow the small thinker enough face time to give his less than helpful opinion. Instead, seek out your fellow warriors. You already know who they are. Accept their encouragement. Resist the urge to shrug off the compliment. Look for opportunities to return the favor. With all this greatness running around, the small thinker never gets a foot hold.

Congrats to The Busy Woman of the Year!

And we aren’t talking about busy just for the sake of being busy. We are talking about putting your sneakers on and getting it done.

Kris Rice founded Coastal Children’s Advocacy Center in 1994. The Center provides services for children who have been abused or witnesses to violent activity. She provided counseling at Ground Zero. She and her husband are foster parents.

I would like to extent a huge thanks to Kris for all the work that she does for those who cannot do it for themselves. As an admirer of children myself, I deeply appreciate the selflessness of Kris and others like her that answer the call everyday.

And to the Little Black Book and all the sponsors for this amazing event. Kudos for recognizing those in the community who are making a difference in a big way. May we all follow the example of offering up of time and resources to leaving this place a little better off than the way we found it.

Fake it ’til You Make It

I had the incredible opportunity to hear Sandra Yancy, founder of eWomen Network, talk at one of our recent events. I can’t even begin to tell you how inspiring, motivating, uplifting, phenomenal (keep inserting great adjectives here) the whole thing was. She was funny, easy to listen to, unassuming and, most importantly, real.

She spoke of The Little Engine that Could. I’ll do a full post on that as soon as my copy gets here. That was an eye opener in itself.

She spoke of being almost broke. She talked about the perseverance it took to make it through.

She talked about the need for other people and the importance of relationships.

She is also of the opinion that “fake it ’til you make it” is utter crap.

Record screeches

Huh? Isn’t this the mantra that all self confident, newly emerging folks live by? Isn’t this the mind set that is required to exude confidence and be that person in the room that people want to know and be known by? How can this be wrong?

We have all heard it…fake it ’til you make it. You have the world by the tail and if you don’t the only person that needs to know that is you. Right?

No – how on earth are you going to get the support, mentorship and guidance you need if no one knows that you are going through hard times? You have to let people know when things are wrong so you can get the help you need to get it back on track. Right?

No – this, as in most things, has, in my opinion, a truth that lies somewhere in the middle. That “middle truth” happens to hand in hand with another truth I believe in – everyone needs a safe place to bleed.

It is true that some people

• want to know, associate with and do business with successful people.
• want to help and assist those who are falling on tough times.
• will eat the weak.
• nourish the poor.

Therefore, seems to me that application of this “fake it ’til you make it” idea is situational.

There are times when total confidence, even in the face of total defeat, is a necessity.

There are times when one must unload the weight, ask for help carrying it and collaborate for way to make it lighter.

The trick is differentiating between the occasions.

Questions

• Do you fall on one of the two sides or in the middle?
• How do you know when either approach is appropriate?
• Do you think the strategy changes depending on the size of the market or the makeup of the business community (i.e. working in New York City versus Small Town USA)

Pressing the Reset Button

The neat thing about life is the way it ebbs and flows. We have moments of intense success and lulls of want. We find ourselves moving at the speed of light and at a turtle’s speed. To me, this variety creates excitement and movement. However, many of us, myself included, mistake this activity for the occasional reset needed to remain productive and on top of your game.

Let me explain – my laptop is my friend and we spend a lot of time together. This means it is often on and working – processing data, keeping things moving, holding onto important information. It works well. However, I have to take some time every once in a while to run the defrag, shut it down and let it restart. This is usually most important after a big run of work.

I have found myself in this same situation. A big move, some big projects and a new big position. While it all fits well into my current path, it took some time to ramp the “new” up so that it had enough momentum to run with the “old.” This wrecked my schedule. And while we all know that I am not a strickly scheduled individual, I do require some level of structure. All that went out the window over the past two months.

Once the dust had settled, I required a reset. I needed to defrag, power down and start back up. That is just what I did. I skipped the Friday night hang out at my folks house. I stayed in most of the weekend. I caught up on some house keeping, both on and off line. I watched movies with my family. I spent some time with a friend. I slept in Saturday and Sunday (for as long as the kids would allow) and I got to bed before 11pm last night.

I am ready to go.

• Have you ever found yourself in need of a reset?
  
• Do you need one now?
  
• What does it look like?

Squash the Inner Jerk

Making Life Work for You was very fortunate to have Joseph Bernard stop by. He left a comment that still has me chewing and writes a blog that is now in my reader. Comment, blog, brain turning – yep, that’s the phenom trifecta!

The topic was believing in yourself and Joseph’s point #2 was

Shrink the inner critic. Most of how we talk to ourselves is learned. Self-criticism serves no positive benefits.

Makes my brain move and I will tell you why and I am hoping we can talk about it as it is still an idea I am moving through.

I am going to take the points backwards

• I think that self-criticism does have positive benefits. Now, this disagreement of point may be little more that semantic in nature. But, I do think that honest introspection requires that we be our own critic. However. If we are talking about that jerk that lives in our brain – the one that doesn’t offer constructive criticism out of love and want for a grand development – squash him without mercy.

• You don’t even have to feel guilty about bashing that psycho jerk to id never-never land because he only exists because you allow it. Meaning, I do believe that how we talk to ourself is completely learned. It is either developed out of our own personality or taught to us by those around us. It really doesn’t matter which. What does matter is the jerk is in our head and he must be dealt with – regardless of how he got there.

• Shrink the inner critic – yeah, shrink him, but don’t get rid of him completely. Actually, I think I feel more comfortable keeping him appropriately. If I am doing those things I am good at, he can take a break. If I am working on a new development or branching out, maybe I should listen to suggestions a bit. But only from loving critic – not the pessimistic jerk.

Now, this is a topic that gets a lot of discussion, so I know you have some thoughts. Feel free to share them now.

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